17 steps to a higher self esteem

Society can only judge you so far. People just like wild animals fear for themselves (their well-being). That is the reason why we constantly spread rumors in our neighborhoods, workplaces and vacation spots about people who don’t share the same values we have grown up to accept or have formulated.

 The real reason self esteem comes up is because we judge ourselves so much more than we are judged, we create a negative picture of ourselves much bigger than the society paints us. Self esteem is strongly built on the feeling of inadequacy.

Negative life events such as losing your job or getting divorced, deficient or frustrating relationships, and a general sense of lack of control can really fuel it. This sense of lack of control is often particularly marked in people who are the victims of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, or of discrimination on the grounds of religion, culture, race, sex, or sexual orientation.

Sometimes poor self-esteem can be deeply rooted and have its origins in traumatic childhood experiences such as prolonged separation from parent figures, neglect, or emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. If you think this is a particular problem for you, speak to a mental healthcare professional. Therapy or counseling may enable you to talk about such experiences and to try to come to terms with them. Unfortunately, therapy or counseling may be difficult to obtain, and may not be suitable for everyone.

Thankfully, there are a number of simple things that anyone can do to boost his or her self-esteem and, hopefully, break out of this vicious circle. You may already be doing some of these things, and you certainly don't need to do them all. Just do those that you feel most comfortable with.

1. Make three lists:

 one of your strengths, one of your achievements, and one of the things that you admire about yourself. Try to get a friend or relative to help you with these lists. Keep the lists in a safe place and read through them regularly.

Have you ever seen a TV commercial being aired like twenty times a day? Why do they repeat it so much you may ask? The reason why is to remind you that what they are selling is the best. I you go to the mall I guarantee that you will buy that product or service. These lists act like the commercial and repeatedly going through them continues to fix it in your mind that you are special and finally your self esteem will automatically go up.

2. Think positively about yourself. Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. Identify and challenge any negative thoughts that you may have about yourself, such as ‘I am a loser’, ‘I never do anything right’, or ‘No one really likes me’.

3. Pay special attention to your personal hygiene: for example, style your hair, trim your nails, floss your teeth.

 This can be seen it tV commercials. What category of advertisements do you see most of the time when you turn on the tv? I bet the most favored category is based of health and hygiene. You always see soap commercials, dental hygiene commercials, hair product and salon commercials. You might have not noticed this but there is a pattern to these advertisements. People usually buy these products not only to boost their hygiene but also subconsciously to feel better about themselves.

4. Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.

 When you’re walking on the streets have you ever seen somebody that with clothes that you really like? Maybe it had a certain pattern or colors that attracted you to it. What is the feeling that goes into your brain at that particular time? You think “those clothes might look good on me”. Why do you think that? It is because you want people to look at you in the same way you think they might look at that person – in a way that suggest I want to be that person.

This comes to the conclusion that you should always dress the way you want people to see you. This will always make you feel good about yourself.

5. Don’t be the dog in the relationship. The dog as we all know is man’s best friend. But as we progress in life the human looks at the dog’s inability to achieve but still considers it equal. Is this a bad thing? Yes, the dog feels comfortable in its under-achiever position while the human feels comfortable in his ability to be better than the dog and still receive love from it.

6. Eat good food as part of a healthy, balanced diet. Make meal times a special time, even if you are eating alone. Turn off the TV or radio, set the table, and arrange your food so that it looks attractive on your plate.

7. Exercise regularly: go out for a brisk walk every day, and take more vigorous exercise (exercise that makes you break into a sweat) three times a week.

8. Manage your stress levels. If possible, agree with a close friend or relative that you will take turns to massage each other on a regular basis.

9. Make your living space clean, comfortable, and attractive. Display items that remind you of your achievements or of the special times and people in your life. 

10. Do more of the things that you enjoy doing. Do at least one thing that you enjoy every day, and remind yourself that you deserve it.

11. Get involved in activities such as painting, music, poetry, and dance. Such artistic activities enable you to express yourself, acquire a sense of mastery, and interact positively with others. Find a class through your local adult education service or community center.

12. Set yourself a challenge that you can realistically achieve, and then go for it! For example, take up yoga, learn to sing, or cook for a small dinner party at your apartment or house.

Doing these simple things relax your mind taking your focus off the negative things that diminish you self esteem.

13. Do some of the things that you have been putting off, such as clearing out the garden, washing the windows, or filing the paperwork.

14. Do something nice for others. For example, strike up a conversation with the person at the till, visit a friend who is sick, or get involved with a local charity.

15. Get others involved: tell your friends and relatives what you are going through and enlist their advice and support. Perhaps they have similar problems too, in which case you might be able to band up and form a support group.

16. Try to spend more time with those you hold near and dear. At the same time, try to enlarge your social circle by making an effort to meet people. 

17. On the other hand, avoid people, places, and institutions that treat you badly or that make you feel bad about yourself. This could mean being more assertive. If assertiveness is a problem for you, ask a healthcare professional about assertiveness training.